I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
