please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
