He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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