yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
