I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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