Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
