Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
