exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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