We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
