allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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