i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
