i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
