I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
