I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
