decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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