just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
