I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
