at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
