...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
