I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
