Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
