I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
