I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
