We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
