i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
where am i from again
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
