just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
