that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
