I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
