I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
