so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
