You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
