I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
