She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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