the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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