Got a toothbrush?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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