oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
