My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
