I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
