You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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