Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
