i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
