dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
