I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
