Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
