I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
