She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
