I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
