soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
