just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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