I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
