Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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